The Bottom Line: Few people understand the weight of the executive director's seat. Building connection with peers who do helps you regain perspective and lead with steadier judgment.
Introduction
The board meeting ends. Staff head home. You are still at your desk, turning over a decision that will affect residents, staff, and your agency's standing with HUD. As executive director, you are often the final decision-maker in high-stakes moments, balancing political pressure, regulatory demands, and community expectations. A study of chief executives reported in Harvard Business Review found that their loneliness "stems not from a lack of social connections" but from "the heavy burden of leadership and decision-making." Your team and board see confidence and competence. Few see the mental and emotional load of being the anchor of an entire agency, and there is rarely an obvious place to voice uncertainty. In a small agency, you may have no senior team to think out loud with. In a large one, you may be surrounded by people and still be the only one in your seat. That isolation is part of the role, not a personal failing. But leading alone is optional.
What are the risks?
When no one around you understands the full weight of the role, the strain shows up in four ways.
First, decision fatigue sets in. Carrying every hard call by yourself is draining, and the hardest decisions often arrive when you have the least energy left. As the weeks go on, it becomes tempting to fall back on the safest option or to say yes just to make a problem go away. None of that signals weak leadership. It signals a leader doing too much of the thinking alone.
Second, self-doubt creeps in. Without someone who “gets it,” it is easy to second-guess sound instincts or to delay a decision you already know is right. Many of the calls you face, from waitlist policy to staffing changes, have no perfect answer. When there is no one to test your thinking against, even a good decision can feel shaky.
Third, stress builds quietly. Many leaders simply absorb it, often without realizing how much they are carrying. You may feel you have to stay composed for your staff and steady for your board, so the pressure is rarely voiced. Eventually, it can show up as a shorter fuse, trouble switching off at night, or a sense that the job never really ends.
Fourth, the strain ripples outward. Over time, isolation can affect both how well your agency runs and your own well-being. A leader who is worn down has less energy for planning ahead, supporting staff, and building the relationships an agency depends on. And because your team often takes its cues from you, strain at the top can spread through the whole team.
How can I be proactive?
You cannot make the seat less demanding. You can make sure you are not the only one who understands it.
Notice where you are carrying the weight alone. Make a short list of the decisions and pressures you have never talked through with anyone. It might be a staffing call you made on your own, a tense board conversation, or a funding trade-off you still think about at night. That list shows where support would help most.
Find peers who get it. Build or join a peer network, a mastermind group, or a professional community where other leaders face the same realities. Good places to look include fellow executive directors at nearby agencies, state or regional associations, and industry groups. If no group fits, start one with two or three peers you already respect.
Make connection a standing habit. A recurring monthly call or coffee keeps you in touch between conferences. Put it on your calendar so it survives the busy weeks, when you need it most.
Bring the real questions. Use that time for honest conversation, idea sharing, and problem-solving, not just updates. Bring a decision you are wrestling with and ask how others would approach it. Describe the situation in general terms and keep confidential agency matters out of the room.
When leaders connect with others who understand the work, they regain perspective, recharge their energy, and remember that they are not alone in it. The benefits reach the agency, too. The U.S. Surgeon General's Framework for Workplace Mental Health & Well-Being notes that "having supportive work relationships can improve performance and is associated with worker engagement and innovation."
Questions for reflection
Have you experienced professional isolation in your role, and what did it feel like?
What strategies have you used, or could you explore, to create more connection and support in your leadership journey?
This post was inspired by "12 Truths for Executive Directors," an eBook written by Dakota Vaughn Koontz and Lindsey Reames. Their thoughtful, compassionate work laid the foundation for everything shared here. We are deeply grateful for their insight and for the heart they poured into supporting those who lead.
